New parts to my poem b4 about the abusive relationship still not finished tho?

She’s down, she’s hurt, alone again, with the darkness her only friend


Her eye is black, just like you heart, she tries to leave, but the car won’t start


So she walks back in, and admits defeat, now back on her, he starts to beat


After he’s done, she covers it up, you can’t see a thing, except lack of love


The next day he brings flowers, begs her to forgive, once again she takes him back, and thinks again she’ll live


A week goes by, and she’s back in the room, covering up, and beginning to groom


Her side is hurting, she’s spitting up blood, she gasps and falls down, stuck there in a substance like mud


and her breathing gets heavy, and everything goes dark, her eyes are rolled back and stopped is her heart


He finds her there, the day he comes back, lying on the ground, so he covers his tracks


Up the bag zips, when the parameds’ arrive, the neighbors all out, and all start to cry


When her parents come, they know that it’s her, mama comes undone, and dad’s vision a blur


They start to make plans, breaking down every second, dad’s not only crying, but buying a weapon


There is hatred, and even more to come, dad keeps sittin’ there, just cleaning his gun


He’s waiting for the day, her ex-hubby shows remorse, and dad knows that when he does, there will be just one more corpse


How could this have happened, to his little girl, that sick little bastard, makes him want to hurl

New parts to my poem b4 about the abusive relationship still not finished tho?
finally, a poem on yahoo that isn't justsome emo whining!


this is really good, it does need work in places,


a fewl ines don't fit the meter


and i'm not over keen on the slang


but, hey, poetic liscence and all that.